Please stop barking

There are new dogs next door. Don't know what type they are but they sure make horrible noises and they go on and on and on. At least when I bark, I do short purposeful barks. These ones growlllllllllllllllllllll, grrrrraaaarrrrrrrrr, yowwwwww, ooooooooorrrrrrrrrr, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Nothing like any dogs that I've heard before. I think there might be a cat in amongst them.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, owwwwwwwww. Oh, no! Now they are murdering each other.

Why so many dogs all at once? Most people just do one at a time.

But they settle down at night. Maybe they're hungry and once they're fed, they go to sleep.

No point me barking back because they don't listen, they just go their own noisy way.

So bad that the rats have abandoned ship and I have chased a couple scurrying along the top of the fence.

Rats makes me bark because I come from good ratter stock. Bred to hunt down and retrieve rats in the highlands of Scotland and then present a rat at the boots of the laird, or in my case, my human mum. Last one that I presented to her was mummified so it wasn't my best effort.

It's such a relief when the dogs stop barking.

I have a mind to complain, but who to?

The Dog Barking Association of Australia? DBAA. Speaking of DBs, Dirty Bertie is driving his human parents crazy with his barking. I need to have a word with him. I need to explain to him that you strategically use your barks for attention seeking, demanding food, reminding it's time for walkies, tummy tickle time. You can't just bark on and on for no reason.

Barking to ward off intruders and attackers of the castle is OK. Growling at bug-a-lars is good and should be encouraged.

Unfortunately, Bertie has come to like the sound of his own bark. He'll grow out of it. But right now, he has discovered his vocal chords and likes what they can produce. Even though he's my adopted son and half brother, I do think he is showing off.

Then, suddenly, there was silence. Maybe the neighbours couldn't listen to their own dogs barking any longer and go rid of them.

"Thank goodness," she said. "They're done." Done? Did they put the dogs down? Surely not.

"No more electric saws and drills and jack hammers and nail guns." What? Humans were making those awful sounds on purpose with tools. Well, I never.

There's nothing worse than a human with a jack hammer. Not even Bertie the Barker.