Help! She's starving me.

First, she tried to poison me and that didn't work so she decided to starve me to death. Honestly. When the vet said I was overweight, my human mum decided that she couldn't have a corpulent Westie so she has put me on a diet.

100gms of roo meat with 100gms of sweet potato mash. That's not enough to feed Miracle Milly the Chihuahua who is the smallest dog in the world and weighs only 0.45 kgs.

She generously still gives me a Greenie at 10.30 in the morning as always.

What am I to do? I don't have the wherewithal to open the fridge or jump up to the pantry shelves. There's no nutrition in chewing rugs, shoes or cushions. So I am starving all day every day.

I tried looking at her with my most imploring eyes. I tried following her like a constant shadow. I even tried howling but she thought that meant I wanted to go for a walk.

It wasn't until I stayed with my half-brother, Bertie, for a few days that she had to face up to the fact that I was starving because Bertie's human dad told her. "Lochy is starving," he said.

It was such a relief being at Bertie's house because there are really good nuts always in a bowl (nuts are what we call kibble). I woofed them down.

When I went back home, she took me to the vet to be weighed and voila! I have lost 1.45kgs. That is over ten percent of my body weight.

Now I am 9.35kg. The vet said I was 8.25kg when I reached maturity and I should stay at that. I do like my new svelte waistline. And my jumpers and harness are much looser. I am looking good. I can recommend a diet of roo meat and sweet potato mash to anyone who wants to lose weight.

But enough is enough. I love roo meat but just a few grams more each day would make me happy. Unless she wants an anorexic Westie or, worse, to starve me to death, so she can get a cute wee puppy to take my place. Food parcels gratefully accepted.