I need a food taster

It suddenly dawned on me. She could poison me. Every morsel of food that goes into my little body comes from her. How do I know if she has decided to get rid of me? What if she goes cuckoo? She could be putting arsenic, dioxin, hydrochloric acid, rat killer, all sorts of nasties into my food. I wouldn't know. Until I am dead. And then it is too late to know.

I trust her with my life. Every day. She has power over me. But what if she thinks I am becoming too cocky and she's losing her supremacy over me?

I need a food taster to protect me from any erratic behaviour. It's a bit hard to tell if she's being extra erratic. She is always erratic. She is human, after all.

I used to eat from a bowl, but the trainer said to hand feed me because it would help with my recall. So that's what she does. From hand to mouth. Direct control of my food intake. I must admit it works. But it did coincide with me maturing from scallywag pup to sensible adult who knows which side my bread is buttered on (not that she ever gives me bread and butter which I would love).

Now, I don't run away as much and I come back to her. When I am ready. I am not going to jump to attention and come back to her when playing with other dogs or having a good sniff of a particularly fruity spot. I'll do so in my own time.

Important people have food tasters. And, surely, I am important.

Roman emperors like Claudius and Nero had personal food tasters, as did lots of kings and nobles, the Medici family in Italy, Chinese emperors, Islamic caliphs.

I wouldn't put it past Donald Trump to have a food taster. Enough people would like to get rid of him and he certainly thinks he is important enough to have one. Word has it he eats MacDonald's in front of the TV. Maybe he has someone nibble on one of his MacFries and take a bite of his BigMac before they disappear between those lubber lips. But we won't know because security measures around food consumption for high-profile individuals are typically kept confidential these days.

I don't think I am being paranoid. It needs to be considered.