I am the Master of Nonchalance

I have nonchalance down to a T. It's all in the swagger, the pace, the rhythm, the air of "I don't give a damn."

Of course, I do give a damn because at the end of my nonchalance is a Greenie, dinner, a walk or a drive in the car.

For all those eager-beaver doglets out there, here's how to be nonchalant and have those humans waiting on you.

When you hear your name called, it means they have something for you. Trick is to make it seem like you can take it or leave it.

Slowly appear from whichever room you were sleeping in, do a long, slow stetch yoga-style, then start walking ever so casually towards said human. Slow even pace, head slightly turned down. It's all in the hips. Swing those hips from side to side so you get a rhythm going like the models do on a catwalk.

Even if you are really looking forward to your Greenie, don't speed up, make them wait.

With my dinner, I adopt the same languid gait. As I arrive at the food, I sniff, I look, I hesitate. I want to give the impression that I won't accept any old titbits just because I am a dog. I always do this even though I know I'm going to get the same quickly-zapped fresh beef mince as the day before and the day before. Zapped to a warm temperature, importantly to kill off any bacteria as instructed by the vet.

I do show excitement when she says "Walkies." Then I sit or lie down while she gets her act together (sunglasses, cap, key, etc). When she's at the front door with lead and harness laid out on floor for me to step into, I stand still. I will come to her in my own good time even if inside me I so much want to walk. Sometimes, I turn and walk away. That takes real self-control.

Just when I sense that she's getting impatient with me, I slowly walk towards her with my best hip swing and step into the harness.

When she comes home, I don't run up to her like a love sick puppy showering her with love. I wait. One beat. Two beats. Then slowly appear. Even if I am happy to see her because it can get boring being alone and I do miss her presence, I still show restraint.

She knows I love driving in the car. She opens the door to the garage and calls me. I don't come running. I sit always in the same spot and pretend I don't know what she wants me to do. All the pleading in the world doesn't make me move. So she comes to me. Victory. And carries me to the car or if she is peeved, pushes me through the door. Then I can be excited and jump up with impatience for her to open the car door.

My advice, never let those humans think they are in control. Make them wait. It feels so good.