I am a Gold Medalist

I gave it to myself but I deserve it. I am the world's best at tail wagging. I can go for hours, adjusting the speed to suit the occasion. I ramp up the pace when a visitor arrives at the front door or when she puts on her walking shoes or I'm waiting for dinner.

I'd also be a favourite for the 100m sprint. I think Westies would make a clean sweep of gold, silver and bronze. It's in our genes to run fast to catch a rabbit or a rat. We run so fast that all four paws can be off the ground at the same time.

We should have a doggie Olympics. Seriously. Dog paddle. Ball Retrieving. Toy Chewing. Hurdles (jumping onto a bed). Track and field 100m sprint. 200m. 300m. 400m. Triathlon (barking, eating, sleeping). Long distance walks (1km, 2km, 4km, 8km,10km). Staring Without Blinking. Most Greenies Consumed. Tumbling (Bertie and I would be hot favourites for this one, we like to roll and tumble together). Standing on Hind Legs (I am good at that). High Jump.

Bertie is likely to win a gold in the 8km because his human mum makes him walk that all the time. She has an app that tells her how far they've walked so he can prove his performance.

There should be special categories such as Stubbornness for Westies; Snappiness for Chihuahuas, Most Hair Shedding for Golden Retrievers, Longest Dribbles for Boxers, Most Energetic for Jack Russells, Longest Body for Dachshunds.

I won't be entering the dog paddle, not even a 10m sprint. I don't like it when my feet can't touch the sand under the water.

I have a strong chance in the Greenie consumption. I can devour a Greenie in 30 seconds.

Dogs do amazing athletic feats. We are really good at it. It's about time we are recognised for our better-than-human prowess.

No doubt a medal tally would have Westies on top. We are the best.