Spot

Should I be worried? The local State police department has bought its first robotic dog. Spot the Robot. Who calls a dog Spot these days? My friends are Rufus, Ruby, Rupert, Maisie, Milou (French for snowy and named after the dog in The Adventures of Tin Tin, which is Belgian, not French… but I digress), Brutus (he’s a Chihuahua), Bella, Zac, Daisy, Poppy (sadly, laid to rest), Sam, Hodge. No Spots.

Am I about to be superseded by a robot? On our morning walks will I start seeing people walking robots or sitting at sidewalk café tables with a robot under their chair? Lamp posts and tree trunks and fences won’t smell the same if the world is overtaken by robot dogs. And what about the poor butchers. Business will be in decline.

Spot won’t need feeding thus saving money and time. Spot won’t pee or poop. Spot won’t answer back. He (or is Spot a she? Not a very feminine name, I think it is a male) will be motionless until the remote control tells it to come to life. Spot has an on-off button.

Spot is a good-goodie two shoes.

Where’s his spunk? Where’s the naughty boy who looks at her with liquid chocolate eyes when he’s done something bad like chewing the corner of the hard cardboard boxes in her office. Where’s that defiant jaw-jutting look that reminds her that I am a Westie, the most stubborn of all dogs. Or that cheeky chappy who likes to roll around on the rug that is white and furry like me straight after we’ve been for a walk even though I know I am not allowed.

Spot will be an attentive, obedient all-business kinda guy. How boring! No fun at all. I actually feel sorry for him.

Spot has sharp edges and cold hard surfaces. Spot is bright yellow! He will probably start squeaking at the joints and need a spray of WD-40 when he gets older.

Spot won’t jump up on the bed and keep it warm until she arrives. If they go for a walk, he will trot neatly beside her, not bounce along with all four paws in the air pulling on the lead to make her walk faster.

Spot won’t be good for hugs or tummy tickles. Imagine trying to tickle a piece of metal! He won’t lick her ears or sit on her head while she’s watching TV. Or tap her with a paw to wake her in the morning – maybe he has a built-in alarm clock. Spot won’t jump in the air and run in circles when she has a Greenie in her hand. Or lick her toes while she is trying to do yoga. Or make little whimpering sounds that make her smile.

I make her laugh when I stare at her without blinking and she tries to out-stare me but she can’t. I am the world’s best starer. And when I tilt my head from side to side while she’s talking to me so she thinks that I am listening intently.

I know she loves rubbing her face in my soft squishy furry body. You can’t do that with a metal carcass.

But just to be sure, I will start being especially nice to her. She saw the news on TV, she knows that robotic dogs are out there.