12 tips for living with a human
- Michelle Blakeley
- Jan 7, 2023
- 3 min read
Now that I have spent the last 634 days of living with her, my human mum, I feel I am well qualified to pass on some sage advice.
Basically, humans want to be loved, wanted and in control.
So here are my tried and proven ways to live with a human but still be master of your domain.
(1) Lots of cute. Humans love cute. Their hearts melt - not literally, of course, otherwise they would be dead, but idiomatically.
(2) Tilt head when they are talking to you. Even better, tilt from side to side. It makes them think that you are listening intently and their words are very meaningful to you, even when they are talking gibberish or baby babble.
(3) Make eye contact. Adoring eyes win hearts. Hold their gaze for a long as you can. Believe me, we dogs can out-stare any human. Dog vs. human is the best game.
(4) Be a comedian. Make them laugh. Running around in circles in opposite directions as fast as you can is a good trick. As is ear twitching. Humans like to laugh. (5) Treat them like a child. Set boundaries on how much attention you want. Sometimes they don't understand that dogs needs time-out to be alone, to snooze in the sun, to sniff the plants in the garden. Let them know when their behaviour is acceptable with positive rewards, such a tail wagging, but also let them know when they have behaved badly. Flopping on the floor and sighing is a good way to deal with unacceptable human behaviour. They call it sulking. I call it making a statement.
(6) Curl up into a ball when you sleep, especially on the bed between two pillows. There is something about the foetal position that humans find endearing. It's also like a DO NOT DISTURB sign - leave me alone, I'm comfortable and don't need you at the moment.
(7) Eat your food. Even if it's not your favourite. Otherwise they think you are not grateful for the effort they put into feeding you, even if it's a bowl of dried bits or steamed vegetables (yuk!), show gratitude.
(8) Know when to stop. I use paw tapping frequently to remind her that I am there and wanting attention. I also like lying on my back and having tummy tickles. But you need to read the signs and know when enough is enough or it becomes annoying.
(9) Make them feel guilty. If they don't take you for a walk or they forget to give you a Greenie, let them know they have disappointed you. Sighing, quiet whimpers and following them around staring at them are subtle but effective guilt inducers. Guilt is a great way to maintain the upper hand (paw) in your relationship.
(10) Don't bark unless it is absolutely necessary. Humans hate barking especially in the middle of the night. They get embarrassed that the neighbours will get annoyed. Saving your barking for special occasions. If there is a bug-a-lar climbing over the fence, that's different. Bark away. They will be forever grateful that you alerted them.
(11) Come when they call you. Sit when they say 'sit'. Don't make a fuss when they want to wash you. (If you stand still, they will take more time to massage you. It's really nice.) This needs to be balanced with setting boundaries. Too much calling and sitting is disruptive to a dog's life and can become tedious.
(12) Let them win the small battles. It makes them feel in control. For me, these small battles of wits are no big deal because I always keep my eye on the end game (my idiomatic eye, not my real eye).
My old friend, Milou, said lose the battles but win the war. (Milou said this was his idea, but I know he nicked it from The 33 Strategies of War by Robert Green). He said you need to look beyond the present battle and calculate ahead, always focus on your ultimate goal and plot how to reach it.
My ultimate goal? To maintain my position as Master of the Universe.
I'm passing on my lessons-learned to my little brother, Bertie. Other dogs, take note.
Comments