She won't feed me until after eight in the morning even though I've been awake since six or sometimes earlier. She says "You need to give your internal organs time to wake up. It's no good just stretching your legs and doing downward dog after a night's sleep, the inside of your body needs to get moving too so that it is ready for food." Who says so? She's so scientist nutritionist. The jury is out. Some scientists say it's good to wait others say it's OK to dive in and fill up on calories...

I admit, I did it. It wasn't premeditated but second degree murder. I pee-ed on a ferny-type plant and killed it. Guilt of plantslaughter. Honestly, I didn't realise my pee was so lethal. Needless to say, I was sentenced to severe looks of annoyance and anger. Sentenced to not-in-the-good-books. Because of one destructive action. So, from now on, I need to make sure I pee on inanimate objects. Posts, chair legs, table legs, garden pots, brick walls, fences. Funny, when I do pee on fences, my...